Spring Sunshine & Fresh Air

Our view as we ate our picnic lunch.

Today we went to Swartswood Lake in Sussex County. It was about a 40 minute drive from our apartment. Since this is the first really nice weekend that we have had free of all other plans, we thought it'd be nice to absorb some vitamin D.

Boat rentals... I was too scared!

Meditating in the shade

So I've started meditating recently using a free guided meditation app on my phone. It's going well so far but unless I buy a membership, I know I'll get sick of the small free meditation selection very quickly. I want to look into some audiobook mediations I can check out from the library so broaden my practice. It was so nice to take the time out in nature today and have a quick meditation in the shade. Such a great break from the hot, hot sun!

Absorbing that vitamin D!

I'm hoping today's vitamin D lasts me the rest of the week. 3 more days of test moderation at work to get through before my kids start their big project! So very excited :)

Where My Roots Lay

I was running late for work and by late I mean not late, but on Thursdays it's late because of street cleaning and lack of parking. So I circled the block several times before it hit 8:00 am and decided I'd have to widen my radius to the next street. This street, although only one street over from where I usually find parking on Thursdays, has a bad reputation. Its less residential but it is its overall shady reputation that is so off-putting. I was incredibly worried about my brand new, leased car. Needless to say it was fine. I didn't have any dents or scratches, no windows were broken, no ticket on the windshield, and there were no cinder blocks holding my car up.

Having grown up in the city I work has it's perks. I am familiar with the streets, know some great shortcuts to avoid traffic, not to mention I get a walk down memory lane on a daily basis. But the thing is, I grew up on the other side of the tracks, and in this case, the good side. By adding "Park" to the city name differentiates one side of town from the other. The side I grew up in is mostly Jewish now, has the best elementary school in the city, isn't as run down and isn't nearly as scary to walk through at night. I feel proud to say I grew up in this city and to say that I am a success story. But part of me feels like a fraud. I didn't brave the middle or high school, I only went to public school until 6th grade. But I love hearing my students say I have "street cred" for growing up in the hood and I never point out my fraudulence because I want to have this connection to them.

So why do I feel so badly about fearing for my car on that infamous street? I can't help but love and fear the city simultaneously. I know the flaws of the city: the crime, the drugs, the overall distaste the name usually leaves in outsiders' mouths. But I have some of the best memories from those "streets". It has never hurt me before so I need to trust it more.

Sisters

Several years ago my sister and brother-in-law bought a house in Pennsylvania. Not far over the border from New Jersey but still. I don't think they ever realized how hard it was for me to see them move so far away. Now, most people wouldn't consider 60 miles "far away" but for me, it might as well be 600.

Growing up I felt like all I had was my sister. Friends have come and gone, parents have come and gone, but my sister and I remained close no matter what. As kids, we couldn't be any more different. She was a bookworm, overachiever, and parent pleaser. I was an outdoorsy tomboy who did well enough in school but didn't try my hardest. We changed as we grew up. I put more effort in, started to read more, and became girlier. She pretty much stayed the same in a lot of respects but changed in her owns ways too. But it never seemed to matter. The saying "opposites attract" isn't just for couples, it works for siblings too. 

When she was away at college and I was still in high school we still talked all the time and saw each other on weekends and over breaks. Then she moved back home for nursing school and I went abroad for a year. Still, we stayed close. I came home and she moved in with her boyfriend (now husband) and it was known I'd be just as close to him as I am with her. 

When she moved away, a little part of me was ripped apart. Then she had my nephew and it got even harder. When I was single it was easier to drop everything for the weekend and spend time with them. But now, not that it's anyone's fault, it's harder to go as often. Our work schedules don't match up, I work six days a week, have grad school homework... It's just not as easy. I find myself getting more and more upset when I have to leave after spending a day or two with them. The thing is, I can't see myself living in New Jersey forever but I also can't imagine living in Pennsylvania. But I know I can't move far away because I can't handle having more of myself ripped apart. 

Definition: Friendship

I recently ran into a friend of mine and we got to catching up as we stood in the middle of an aisle at the store. I don't see her often but when I do we always catch each other up on the highlights of our lives. I actually hesitate calling this person my "friend" since we see each other so rarely, but I don't have any other word to describe it. When we catch up, the anecdotes are too personal to be acquaintances. But we do not see each other often enough to be considered bosom buddies.

As we talked, another mutual "friend" came up and we both lamented about how we didn't stay in touch with her when she moved and how a simple text message once in a while would suffice. I couldn't help but wonder if she realized that we were both describing, not only our lost friendships with this other girl, but also our friendship with each other.

A while back I did a Facebook "cleanse" and deleted anyone who I didn't talk to on a regular basis, online or otherwise. When I later texted someone who had been a victim of the cleanse, he had the audacity to ask "Oh, are we still friends?" I proceeded to explain that he had my number and Facebook didn't determine our relationship with one another. Needless to say, that was the last time we spoke.

I guess everyone has their own definition of friendship. For some, it's being privy to the goings-on of other people's lives on the web. For others, it's seeing them on a regular basis. And others, it's a text message checking in.

For me? I guess it's a combination, depending on the person. I know who is there for me all the time, who I can rely on always. But a friend is also the person who you bump into at the store and simply asks, "How's it going?"

Ringing in the new year...2016!

New Year's Eve was pretty low key for us. As per our tradition, we ordered sushi and waited for the ball to drop at midnight... then immediately fell asleep! When I woke up this morning, I felt the proverbial need for change, to begin the year on the right foot, for epicness. We decided to head into the city for a photoshoot. I was recently told that I need to do things that make me happy. One of things that makes me happiest is photography. So we got ready, I grabbed my camera and we were off!

I have been to the city so many times, but I usually head to the Strand and St. Mark's. I knew I wanted some good nature shots so this time we went to Central Park. We entered on 72nd St. West where Strawberry Fields is and began wandering our way through.

Someone was even playing "Strawberry Field Forever"!

I wasn't very impressed since I've been to the original Strawberry Fields in Liverpool, England, but nonetheless it was nice to see. 

Strawberry Field, Liverpool, England

As we wandered we found quite a few places to stop and shoot some pics. We passed by the Boathouse, meandered through the Ramble, up to Belvedere Castle, past the Delecorte Theater, through the Green, around half of the Reservoir, and over to the Guggenheim and Cooper Hewitt museums. Then we walked past all the bourgie Park Avenue apartments with doormen.

I still have a lot of work to do before many of them are ready for printing and selling. I hope to find an art show soon to set up shop and sell some of my prints. For now, the outing in the city was a great way to get back into my hobby. I would say that this has been the best new year's celebration I've had. Walking 40+ blocks and discovering new sites in Central Park. But spending time with my love tops it all. 

Near Belvedere Castle

Shakespeare Garden

Shakespeare Garden

Central Park Reservoir

Sorry but the rest won't be posted... You'll have to find a show to view and buy! [Or just contact me :)]

Pre-New Year's Resolutions

I don't care for New Year's resolutions because they never stick. If I start doing something before January 1, I can consider it a lifestyle change instead of a resolution. Yesterday I signed back up for Weight Watchers and have been trying to navigate their new site since. The concept of points is still the same but it seems like they allot more points now (individual food items probably have higher points now too) and they have more of a push on being active so they have you answer some questions about your exercise habits and give you fitness goals.

Today, we made smoothies for breakfast (almond milk and a banana) and I went to the gym. I did 20 minutes on the treadmill, 5 minutes on the stairs (I couldn't do anymore) and 25 minutes on the bike. I figured I'd start with cardio and when I feel more comfortable I'll move over to the arm and leg machines as well as the free weights. I had a yogurt mid-morning and soup for lunch. Dinner was mustard glazed chicken with acorn squash and a salad. I'm stuffed!

I have to say, when I focus more on what I am eating, I eat quite a bit. But since I measure everything and track it, I know I can be successful even while feeling stuffed. I also realize that I don't feel comfortable after eating so much meat. For example, I ate 6 oz. of chicken and I feel disgusting. If I only ate 3 oz. I would have been fine and could have filled up on more squash. I have to keep these things in mind as I go forward. I think I will be more satisfied eating less meat overall. I know I couldn't give up meat entirely. I enjoy meat, but I have noticed a change in my taste buds and I do appreciate vegetables more now than ever before. I think this is also because I have been cooking different types of vegetables and trying new recipes, as opposed to the ones I grew up eating.

I would say it was a successful first day of tracking and working out. Here's to anti-resolutions!

What is in store for my future?

I can't keep ignoring the feeling that I'm not in the right profession. I guess everyone doubts their career choice once in a while, but every day?

I always dreamed about being a teacher. When I was a kid I would come home from school, line my stuffed animals and cabbage patch kids up on my bed, and reteach them what I learned in school that day. Every once in a while I could convince my sister, three years my senior, to be my student as well but that was a rare occasion. I had a chalk board and passed out imaginary papers. As I got older, the game stopped but my love of school continued. I would help classmates and tutor underclassmen. When I was in Austria, I worked for a company that taught adult English classes. I would spend hours in the office planning my lessons. When I returned to the States, I was excited to enter the teaching program at Montclair, even if it meant I would graduate two years later than anticipated.

I finally entered the program and ironically hated almost every second of it. There were only a couple of classes I actually found useful. I was placed for my student teaching, and although it wasn't the district I would have chosen, it was the grade level I wanted --high school. I learned to love the school despite my apprehensions and I loved the kids even more. When I graduated I hoped to return as a teacher but they had a hiring freeze. Instead, I sent my resume to about 3 dozen districts and got a call back from one-- the middle school in my childhood hometown.

Four years, three supervisors, approximately five hundred students, and two schools later, I can't say that I hate my job. There are days where I absolutely love it. The kids can be huge pains in the butt but when they open up to you, confide in you, explain their fears and dreams, you can't help but love every second. But I would be lying if I said I didn't dream of the day where I find another path. I am emotionally and mentally drained everyday. I wake up and hope that it's the weekend. I fall asleep as early as 8:00 pm. I want a vacation immediately after one finishes. This is not the life I want to live. I recently said that I only live 2 days a week. I want a job that is more fulfilling, and although most people would say that there is no job more fulfilling than teaching the future of America, I beg to differ. The job may be fulfilling to some, but not to me. My fulfillment is what is important to me. That may sound incredibly selfish but at the end of my life I don't want to look back on all the lives I've changed. I want to look back on the life I lived.